so i was just thinking how i have changed so much i mean yes, of course it's called growing up but im really excited to feel like i'm learning new things & even figuring out the past.
i feel like the break up with snakeface was the best thing for me! i mean when we started dating I was young & i depended on him so much i was so shy & not confident i clinged to him for everything I feel that he really held me back & that's why things got shitty cuz i was growing up looking towards the future ready for better things & he was happy just staying where he was making $8.50 an hour & not being able to pay bills. i wasn't going to live that life & i think that's what really changed.
Now that I'm on my own I feel much stronger I feel that my personality is alot louder I'm a lot more confident & social. I feel like he never really believed in me but that doesn't matter because I believe in myself & i know i'm going to do great and amazing things.
It's very refreshing to only depend on yourself to know that you are a strong person who can do anything they want to.
I think it's important to think about that when i want someone to hold my hand & do cute things with me because that stuff doesn't make a relationship and i'm happy with who i am.
autumn makes me want to fall in love. i think it's because i've been in love for the past 4 autumns mike, jon, jon, jon. it's just such a wonderful time of year. i took this amazing bubble bath it was steamy hot & i had pumpkin spice & gingerbread candles lite while i listened to the new amsterdams it made me feel amazing then afterwards i watched enternal sunshine i guess that could explain my mood. i always get so anxious about the future i feel like something good is coming or what i have could turn into something good. i just feel really hopeful.
things are getting kinda boring i only like friday nights with my friday night boyfriend other then that, i haven't been impressed. allison & i are trying to figure out change fingers crossed please! geez
currently i am sitting on a pink heart blanket in the courtyard of my apartment complex with my laptop for music & my puppy laying in the shade. this is way better then being stuck at an office for 9 hrs. i have come to the conclusion that i am really paranoid & im not quite sure why. but this morning i woke up at 5:30 am & couldnt go to sleep cuz i was worried about something so worried that I called into work & went to the doctor. now i feel bad & like im insane since there is nothing wrong with me i guess it happens. i was pretty upset though so i thought it was a good day to take off i dont think ive taken off since july anyways so that's a pretty good track record im going to be productive after i feel i have a good tan i need to clean the house & my room & maybe redecorate i love the fall but its pretty sad that im outside & still sweating im really amused i have internet access though tomorrow is friday. I might try to stay until 6 if i have things to do but that's pretty doubtful. I'll get overtime on Wednesday maybe cuz im going to a video shoot for weddings this is about nothing i just dont have anything else to do im glad that i took this day its good to feel not like a grown up for once.
Dear Diet, Why aren't you working? I am getting very discouraged with you but i will not quit. why are you so mad at me? Is it because i drink beer on the weekend? & had atleast 10 oreos on saturday. Is that why you don't want to work for me? Why did i gain two pounds even though yesterday i worked out and ate 1300 calories? Hum? Please let me know. I think we can be really great friends and make this work together. Becuase if you work,I am happy. So please START WORKING before i stop talking to you and eat pizza and chipotle and never speak of you again.
things seem to change so fast sometimes it's hard to keep up but i guess that's just how life works i know that if my life was always the same i'd probably get really bored i just feel like i can't trust anyone the new country boy isn't going to work out he actually rejected me & it made me freak out i basically ended up crying my eyes out hysterical at the end of the night i was actually really embrassed about the whole thing. my grey area was really nice though i really like hanging out with him but i dont have any real feelings for him it just wouldn't work out & that's unfortunate. he's so smart though friday we talked about politics
anyways. that's it who knows what next week will bring i just hit the reset button so we'll see
12:26 is not very close to 5 pm. I hate staying at work on my lunch But I am always late if I leave & didn’t want anyone to notice Plus, I didn’t have anywhere really to go.
I just had lunch though. It was so yummy. I have no idea what I said last time I updated But I know I was at work. Things are typical Work all week & then drink all weekend Well not really Drink & do it on Friday Drink & dance on Saturday Sister time on Sunday. All my favorite things really.
I have been participating every Friday in a grey area At first, I thought it would get to me But now I think it’s the best solution I mean he’s fun to be with & I like him But I don’t think anything serious is a good idea.
I met a new guy on Saturday A COUNTRY BOY! How exciting huh!? Even though I don’t know anything about him All I know is that he is seriously country & texts me at 6:20 am saying good morning & to have a good day That’s cute enough for me! Atleast for now. I want to hang out with him or go on dates. No grey areas though! One grey area at a time & I don’t think I want to risk getting rid of the one I have just yet
I want to go tanning today Hopefully I will I am getting so white! It’s gross. I am obbessed. Gosh 30 more minutes to my lunch break Maybe I should go sit in my car.
Livejournal isn’t blocked at work. So for the last couple minutes of my day I will type this entry in word so I don’t get caught.
I am really over this raining & storming I want to see the sunshine & I want to lay out I miss tanning. Who knew I would ever say that?
I love my job but I just don’t like working Today I didn’t do much work I went to Hollywood Studios for this tour It was raining and I don’t like any of the interns. Then we had a big team meeting & there were good snacks
I really wonder who reads this. I wish you could track it I keep yawning cuz I love TV so much & stay up at watch it for too late.
My best friend is sad & I wish she wasn’t I’m pretty sure there isn’t much I can do & that’s annoying.
The boy I like is too laid back For someone who claimed they LOVED grey areas I’m sure over them! I’m just trying to fill my time & take things for what they are worth I think that’s all you can really do. I want to meet someone new but I work so much I wish I had friends with friends to meet.
I’m getting my haircut soon. I was thinking about bringing the bangs back? We’ll see what ends up happening.
As part of my new grown up life I read the news on my lunch It is so interesting & I learn new things everyday Like birth control can attract you to incompatable mates & how there is a 6ft, 1000lbs new species of fish & how in India there is a new ringtone that says “CONDOM, CONDOM!” & how cave people may have killed the giant kangaroo instead of climate.
I learned a lot more new things But those are obiviously my favorite.