crying is so dumb

i'm really bad at handling rejection
it was a 78 night stand

i'm over it now though
it was going to happen eventually
now i will just pawn his watch
& maybe get a tattoo
haha whoops!
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed

ch-ch-changes again

so i was just thinking how i have changed so much
i mean yes, of course it's called growing up
but im really excited to feel like i'm learning new things
& even figuring out the past.

i feel like the break up with snakeface
was the best thing for me!
i mean when we started dating I was young
& i depended on him so much
i was so shy & not confident
i clinged to him for everything
I feel that he really held me back
& that's why things got shitty
cuz i was growing up
looking towards the future
ready for better things
& he was happy just staying where he was
making $8.50 an hour & not being able to pay bills.
i wasn't going to live that life
& i think that's what really changed.

Now that I'm on my own
I feel much stronger
I feel that my personality is alot louder
I'm a lot more confident & social.
I feel like he never really believed in me
but that doesn't matter because I believe in myself
& i know i'm going to do great and amazing things.

It's very refreshing to only depend on yourself
to know that you are a strong person
who can do anything they want to.

I think it's important to think about that
when i want someone to hold my hand & do cute things with me
because that stuff doesn't make a relationship
and i'm happy with who i am.
  • Current Music
    Please Mr. Postman by the Carpenters


autumn makes me want to fall in love.
i think it's because i've been in love
for the past 4 autumns
mike, jon, jon, jon.
it's just such a wonderful time of year.
i took this amazing bubble bath
it was steamy hot & i had pumpkin spice
& gingerbread candles lite
while i listened to the new amsterdams
it made me feel amazing
then afterwards i watched enternal sunshine
i guess that could explain my mood.
i always get so anxious about the future
i feel like something good is coming
or what i have could turn into something good.
i just feel really hopeful.
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic


things are getting kinda boring
i only like friday nights
with my friday night boyfriend
other then that, i haven't been impressed.
allison & i are trying to figure out change
fingers crossed please! geez

mental health day

currently i am sitting on a pink heart blanket
in the courtyard of my apartment complex
with my laptop for music
& my puppy laying in the shade.
this is way better then being stuck at an office for 9 hrs.
i have come to the conclusion that i am really paranoid
& im not quite sure why.
but this morning i woke up at 5:30 am & couldnt go to sleep
cuz i was worried about something
so worried that I called into work
& went to the doctor.
now i feel bad & like im insane
since there is nothing wrong with me
i guess it happens.
i was pretty upset though
so i thought it was a good day to take off
i dont think ive taken off since july anyways
so that's a pretty good track record
im going to be productive after i feel i have a good tan
i need to clean the house & my room
& maybe redecorate
i love the fall
but its pretty sad that im outside & still sweating
im really amused i have internet access though
tomorrow is friday. I might try to stay until 6 if i have things to do
but that's pretty doubtful.
I'll get overtime on Wednesday maybe cuz im going to a video shoot for weddings
this is about nothing
i just dont have anything else to do
im glad that i took this day
its good to feel not like a grown up for once.
  • Current Mood
    relieved relieved

(no subject)

Dear Diet,
Why aren't you working? I am getting very discouraged with you but i will not quit. why are you so mad at me? Is it because i drink beer on the weekend? & had atleast 10 oreos on saturday. Is that why you don't want to work for me? Why did i gain two pounds even though yesterday i worked out and ate 1300 calories? Hum? Please let me know. I think we can be really great friends and make this work together. Becuase if you work,I am happy. So please START WORKING before i stop talking to you and eat pizza and chipotle and never speak of you again.

  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed


things seem to change so fast
sometimes it's hard to keep up
but i guess that's just how life works
i know that if my life was always the same
i'd probably get really bored
i just feel like i can't trust anyone
the new country boy
isn't going to work out
he actually rejected me
& it made me freak out
i basically ended up crying my eyes out
hysterical at the end of the night
i was actually really embrassed about the whole thing.
my grey area was really nice though
i really like hanging out with him
but i dont have any real feelings for him
it just wouldn't work out
& that's unfortunate.
he's so smart though
friday we talked about politics

anyways. that's it
who knows what next week will bring
i just hit the reset button
so we'll see
  • Current Mood
    weird weird

just in case

i think its important to write
how i went on a date yesterday
cuz im really sleepy
& want to write about it while i am excited

i went with a very nice counrty boy
who picked me up in a huge truck
bought me dinner & opened my door
he is very very counrty
but very nice & very funny

who knows where it will go
i have high hopes & low expectations
i'm not going to stop my grey area
not until im sure where its going to go

on a side note
i'd have to say the hills
is the very worst thing i have ever seen
& i am ashamed i once watched it

in other other news i need many things
such as:
the weekend
more dates
a lip tattoo
a psychic reading
a tan
to be 15 pounds lighter

that's all
  • Current Mood
    content content

ladies love country boys

12:26 is not very close to 5 pm.
I hate staying at work on my lunch
But I am always late if I leave
& didn’t want anyone to notice
Plus, I didn’t have anywhere really to go.

I just had lunch though. It was so yummy.
I have no idea what I said last time I updated
But I know I was at work.
Things are typical
Work all week & then drink all weekend
Well not really
Drink & do it on Friday
Drink & dance on Saturday
Sister time on Sunday.
All my favorite things really.

I have been participating every Friday in a grey area
At first, I thought it would get to me
But now I think it’s the best solution
I mean he’s fun to be with & I like him
But I don’t think anything serious is a good idea.

I met a new guy on Saturday
How exciting huh!?
Even though I don’t know anything about him
All I know is that he is seriously country
& texts me at 6:20 am saying good morning & to have a good day
That’s cute enough for me!
Atleast for now.
I want to hang out with him or go on dates.
No grey areas though!
One grey area at a time
& I don’t think I want to risk getting rid of the one I have just yet

I want to go tanning today
Hopefully I will
I am getting so white!
It’s gross.
I am obbessed.
Gosh 30 more minutes to my lunch break
Maybe I should go sit in my car.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

Disney World Daily

Livejournal isn’t blocked at work.
So for the last couple minutes of my day
I will type this entry in word so I don’t get caught.

I am really over this raining & storming
I want to see the sunshine & I want to lay out
I miss tanning.
Who knew I would ever say that?

I love my job but I just don’t like working
Today I didn’t do much work
I went to Hollywood Studios for this tour
It was raining and I don’t like any of the interns.
Then we had a big team meeting & there were good snacks

I really wonder who reads this.
I wish you could track it
I keep yawning cuz I love TV so much
& stay up at watch it for too late.

My best friend is sad & I wish she wasn’t
I’m pretty sure there isn’t much I can do
& that’s annoying.

The boy I like is too laid back
For someone who claimed they LOVED grey areas
I’m sure over them!
I’m just trying to fill my time
& take things for what they are worth
I think that’s all you can really do.
I want to meet someone new but I work so much
I wish I had friends with friends to meet.

I’m getting my haircut soon.
I was thinking about bringing the bangs back?
We’ll see what ends up happening.

As part of my new grown up life
I read the news on my lunch
It is so interesting & I learn new things everyday
Like birth control can attract you to incompatable mates
& how there is a 6ft, 1000lbs new species of fish
& how in India there is a new ringtone that says “CONDOM, CONDOM!”
& how cave people may have killed the giant kangaroo instead of climate.

I learned a lot more new things
But those are obiviously my favorite.
  • Current Mood
    Ready to go home!