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Friday, March 13th, 2009
7:32 pm - :(
someone tell me how to make friends
i don't know how cuz i hang out with a baby all day
& come on to my puppy
& my boyfriend lives half way across the country

i want to go out
i want to have fun
i want to live life!


current mood: lonely
live on a diet of romance and faith
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
9:30 pm - times a changing
so right now i live alone
allison had to move to her moms
so i'm in my lil apartment all alone!
it's not so bad
this girl is coming over tomorrow
to see if she wants to be my roommate
if she doesn't work out
i'm also moving in with my parents

if i move in with my parents its gonna be crazy
i have lived on my own for almost 5 yrs
& my house is like a 4 bedroom house
with like 7 people & 3 dogs!
7 people because my brother has two friends
who basically live there & are always on the couch
that should be interesting
i dunno what is happening yet

in other news i have a super sweet boyfriend!
he sent me a phone so we can talk & text whenever
& it not effect his minutes or anything
he also sent me a surprise "i miss you" card
i was so suprised & think it's so sweet!
he's the best
i think it's going to work out
i wish i can see him sooner
but i think we are planning on 2nd week of may
so far!!!!

anyways that's it
i want a haircut
my puppy needs a haircut

current mood: hopeful
live on a diet of romance and faith
Thursday, March 5th, 2009
8:59 pm - news
i've been sick for almost a week
it really sucks
i started my job as a nanny
loveit, will love it more when im not sick!

allison is moving out
trying to find a new roomate ASAP
a nice, cute, gay guy came over today
i hope he wants to live here
he seems like a lot of fun!

i have a boyfriend
he lives 1200 miles away now
but i don't care
i still think he's the greatest
i have high hopes for this one

last weekend we went on a family trip
the WHOLE family & only the family
it was fun to hang out with my brother
since well i never do
the whole family got along well
& it was a lot of fun

pictures of my current life below
i'm doing this new thing steve taught me
only worry about yourself & do what makes you happy
i like it a lot


current mood: sick
live on a diet of romance and faith
Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
11:59 pm - hope
the ability to be crushed by love
shows that you have the ability to love

i'm learning how to love again
yes, things are messy sometimes
but the fact that when we are together
its so effortless, makes me very hopeful

it's not going to be easy
but what ever is?

i completely adore how it isnt young lust
i feel like it's so real
blah blah blah
it's genuine
we are who we are
& somehow that just fits

fingers crossed

current mood: hopeful
live on a diet of romance and faith
Monday, February 16th, 2009
11:44 pm

i love/hate this photo my sister took of me
i think it's because it looks so real & candid.
i dunno.

current mood: happy
live on a diet of romance and faith
Saturday, February 7th, 2009
9:51 pm
today was a good day
i didn't sleep much
but i did eat pita pit
walk in the park
paint pottery
& eat coldstone
all in good company!

i wanted to go out tonight
but somehow eating strawberries
& watch movies has made up for it

tomorrow i hope to see my sister
& maybe go shopping
i hope i can start being in a better mood all the time

he makes me happy
it's bad

current mood: happy
live on a diet of romance and faith
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
3:09 pm - teacher?
so today i went to UCF and talked to someone about being a teacher
i am really confused on what i should do
in order to teach elementary education i think i have to get my masters
i am willing to do that but i don't think right now
a master's is going to take 2.5 to 3 yrs...
which means i would probably have to work in marketing
or some sort of business field
& by 3 yrs i should be getting somewhere
& i feel like i won't leave a business job to be a teacher.

i can however teach a subject for 6th to 12th graders
if i do that i think i will teach history for like 10th grade
i just need to figure out if i really want to be a teacher to be a teacher
or if i would like to be a teacher cuz i want to teach little kids
either way i have a lot of research to do

i talked to my old boss from Disney & i may be her nanny soon
i'm meeting with her on monday to meet the baby & see how things go
i hope it goes well cuz i need money ASAP
& that would be a really fun jon and i could make some decent money

as far as the rest of my life
i get cranky about everyday cuz im stuck at home
but i like hanging out with this one guy
that i shouldnt hang out with a lot
we hang out a lot cuz he leaves at the end of the month
i am happy about it but then i get sad cuz its such a mess
i freak out every other day
poor guy
he puts up with it though

i need to watch reality tv now
figure out my future!

current mood: hopeful
live on a diet of romance and faith
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
1:13 pm - fuck!
I'm really a bad person
I do things I said I'd never do
& at the time, I don't feel bad
but then afterwards I just want to cry

god damnit!

current mood: disappointed
live on a diet of romance and faith
Saturday, January 24th, 2009
10:07 pm - :(
I feel like i've been happy for so long
i forgot how it feels to be sad or depressed or disappointed
this weekend has been really shitty
& i'm starting to get depressed about not having a job
& having to stay home all the time cuz i don't have any money
i also have a lot of new additional stress :(
right now i am very not please that it is 10:08 on a saturday night
& i am at home with it seems like everyone ignoring my text messages
honestly, i feel so alone & i want to cry
i'm stuck in this really bad love triangle
& i feel like i'm losing my best friend
even though we cried & hugged eachother
& said how much we love one another
i'm somehow still here alone, blown off on a saturday night
the only person who has time for me is married
literally he's married
how is everything so fucked up now
i don't like being not happy
i just want things to be different
i want this to be a good year
why isn't it working out
i'm crying now. cool.

current mood: depressed
live on a diet of romance and faith
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
3:24 pm
how to be unemployed:
*sleep until 12pm
*clean the house
*do laundry
*watch reality tv
*go to your parents house
*lurk on the internet


Seriously, that is all i do. I wish i had money or friends so i could have something else to do. I just constantly call my mom and ask her what she's doing!

This is basically like being a housewife I guess, except i only take care of my puppy instead of babies.

P.S. This is my new cute nose piercing that my parents didn't notice?

current mood: housewife
live on a diet of romance and faith
Monday, January 19th, 2009
6:28 pm - i do what i want
today (i think) is my one year anniversary of being single!
a year is a long and short time at the same time
either way i feel awesome
& am pretty satisfied with my life
which is suprising since
i have no job, no boyfriend & need to lose 10 pounds atleast
i got my nose pierced today
pretty irresponsible of me
since i need to find a job ASAP
but i wanted it, so i got it
that's all ;)
boring i know

current mood: good
live on a diet of romance and faith
Thursday, January 8th, 2009
9:18 pm - 2009
i have edited this entry 2 times.
i don't update much
i guess it's because i'm 22 and a grown up
i want to update for real
because i only had to click back 3 times to see snack face
i can't believe that was my life.

i am completely obessed with crime shows
i watch first 48 all the time
& dream about being a detective
it's kinda sick

i feel like my life has been very much the same
i work everyday & drink all weekend
i however, havent been to cowboys in over a month
we are going tomorrow for steve's birthday
he is a married security gaurd who has an unoffical crush on me

i am really hopefully about 2009
i find out tomorrow if i have a job
they have been stringing me along for 2 weeks
telling me that they dunno if i have a job or not
i am over it
if i'm done, i'm done.

i would really like to meet someone nice this year
i feel like it could happen
i spent all of 2008 working on myself
growing, understanding myself
i feel like i could be ready
i hear i'm a lot to handle though
we'll see

below are photos from recently

fingers crossed for 2009

p.s. this is christmas

current mood: hopeful
live on a diet of romance and faith
Sunday, December 28th, 2008
9:37 am - long time no see
i'm only updating because december 4th was a long time ago
nothing has really been going on
same ol same ol
work work work
i may not have a job next week
but i'm not sure
there are no positions at disney
nothing is getting approved
so my boss said he's going to keep paying me
& just hope no one notices
good plan

i haven't meet any cool people
& i have gained a bunch of weight from christmas
such an endless cycle of diet & weight gain

i got an ipod for christmas
finally up with the technology
i also got two betsey johnson bags
they are the best!

like i said nothing exciting is going on
i've been hungover all weekend & that sucks
i want to go to the gun range today
but i think my sister has plans

i'm ready for 2009
i feel like it's going to be good
but who knows!

current mood: bored
live on a diet of romance and faith
Thursday, December 4th, 2008
10:01 pm
you should do things until they aren't fun anymore right?
because after it stops being fun, it just gets messy
that's what i am trying to do
so when he called tonight i didn't answer
it's pretty sad that i'm so proud of myself for it
oh well.
it is what it is :)
maybe if time goes by it will be fun again
we'll see what happens
i have nothing against him
i just hope i don't get too bored & give in

tomorrow is the weekend
& i am excited to go out tomorrow
i like new places even though its old
i just like drinking a lot!
my diet has been good
i lost all the weight i gained back
now i need to lose 10 more pounds
fingers crossed!
luckily i really like salads

that is all

current mood: satisfied
live on a diet of romance and faith
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
9:06 pm
i am just writing to say
that i hate & think its weird
when people who have been with someone for a long time
find someone else & fall in love with them right away
i think its so bizzaree.
i could never do that.
i still dunno if i'm ready to be serious with anyone
& some people just fall in love one after another
i think that's really sad & makes it less geniune

just sayin'

my new motto is
"it is what it is"
i like it a lot

i didn't get that job i wanted at disney
now i will be out of the job in one month
i need to find something ASAP
but there is nothing out there
i'm kinda not worried about it
things will come together

i feel like i'm changing & growing
& i'm pretty excited about it

current mood: content
live on a diet of romance and faith
Saturday, November 15th, 2008
12:46 am
i like honesty
i like when people tell you things
other people wouldn't
i like seeing how people view you

i am entertaining
i am a good person
i am sassy
i am unpredictable
i am too much for some guys
i am too accessible

i like it
it's back on
i mean for now
we talked
we figured out what went wrong
we laughed
we had a good time

its so comfortable
its so honest

current mood: happy
live on a diet of romance and faith
Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
9:31 pm
seriously, my period makes me fucking psycho!
i feel so crazy since i'm about to get it tomorrow
for the past two months i have cried hysterically the weekend of my period
i feel like i need to go to the doctor and be like whats up!
too bad my insureance blows & its $50 to see a doctor!
i must get that hpv vaccine so maybe i can ask about it again
i really want to go cuz i hate feeling crazy

i also hate my new job (for now)
& the fact that i feel really awkward around boys
not all boys but boys i actually care about
i'm frickin 22 yrs old
i mean come on learn how to act!
i just don't trust people
& feel insecure all the time
i need to work on it
or no one will ever really like me
i also need to not "throw" myself at people
because thats just sad

i am in an awful mood
i have two interviews this week
let's hope i don't blow them
i just need to go watch the xfiles
& go to sleep so i can wake up in a good mood
cuz im fucking in the worst mood this week
& i am over it

current mood: bitchy
live on a diet of romance and faith
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
8:07 pm - hello journal
so things have been the same i guess.
country boys have come & gone
working, hanging with my bff
daphne is being insane lately
running around & being all hyper
she is at my mom's for the weekend
so i can get some piece of mind!
crazy puppies.

my friday night boyfriend & i are talking again
he came over thursday to get his watch
we hung out & everything was the same
except for the mass amount of sexual tension
we may or may not have sex again
he said he wanted to be friends
cuz he really enjoys my company
whatever weirdo
he texted me last night inviting me out
but i just slept last night
of course i want to have sex with him
& no i am not in love with him

in other news i start my new job in sales monday
hopefully it will be okay
& hopefully i will get the job in marketing
& make like $35,000.
my fingers are really really crossed

i am really glad obama won by the way
it was so moving & inspiring
i think things will really turn around

allison & i went to busch gardens today
it was fun
on the way there & home we got lost
& on the way home these counrty boys
asked me if i wanted to party & if i was horny
guys are so weird!
but it made us laugh

pictures from recently

live on a diet of romance and faith
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
9:03 pm
i never want to go to bed anymore
i don't know why
i stay up way too late
like i feel like any moment something exciting might happen
this is 100% not true
since nothing never does

i really like bright eyes still
& my new autumn mix
i just love autumn so much!

i hate how im obessed with relationships though
i feel like i want someone so bad
zachary said i want just anyone
& i think hes right
& i shouldnt act like that
even if i dont let it show
this whole year has been so crazy
i feel like i'm constantly changing & growing
& i really won't know who i am until 2009
if i know anything by then!

im also really "bummed" (i think is the only word to describe it)
about not having anyone to hang out with on Friday
yes, sometimes it got old
but for the most part it was fun
i think this goes back to the above paragraph

my diet is going well
im eating lots of fruits & veggies & water
what a concept!
i should be a skinnie minnie mouse in no time

which brings me to work
today it sucked & was really stressful
it made me very very cranky
luckily i went home & put on pjs/tube socks/nerd glasses
& that made me feel alot better!
see below

in other news Im going to try to go to Maryland & Washington D.C in November, i'm excited.

current mood: blah
5 were both radiant and far away x live on a diet of romance and faith
Sunday, October 19th, 2008
7:32 pm

this picture makes me laugh so much!
i really do feel that way about 90% of people
but i'm amazed it was captured so perfectly in a photograph

this picture also makes me happy
since i love my puppy & my bicycle very much
i want to feel like this everyday

in other news, i feel like i am getting really fat
& its starting to show
i need to do something about this ASAP!
i want boys to like me

current mood: good
live on a diet of romance and faith
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